i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
