This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
We need a shit load of segways right now
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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