I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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