Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
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She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
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I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
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