We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
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