pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
