there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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