No awkward lesbian experiences without me
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Randomize
