I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize