I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
