Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I have grass duct taped all over my body
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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