i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
