dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
