i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
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