I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
On imdb the canadians say It's amazing
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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