moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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