is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Randomize
