I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
