I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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