Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
ttyl tear gas
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
