Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
