Nicole vs. Life
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
