mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
Jerry, you need to find god
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
