everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
