next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
