The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
