broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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