did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Randomize
