New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
