she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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