i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
