dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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