So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
