We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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