How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
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