How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
