I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
