Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
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