Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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