I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
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