My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Randomize
