You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
