I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
