I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
