No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Randomize
