i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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