"it" just moved
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
