How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
