I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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