I just saw a hot homeless man
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
