Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
