false alarm. still invincible.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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