There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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