Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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