so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
