Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
and she was petting her beer can
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
