dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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