one might say we're banned from that church
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
