just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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