ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
