just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
