Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
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