Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
