on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
