If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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