im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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