I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
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