It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I want her autograph on my taint
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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