im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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