i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Randomize
