you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
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You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
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I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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