I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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