Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
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