theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Randomize
