hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
