moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Randomize
