i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
