Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
