porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
