Sponge bath it is.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
