Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
