We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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