I bet he comes in French.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
