He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize
