One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
