I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
