Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize
