So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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