He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
