When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
