you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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