apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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