i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
