there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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