grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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